


Viper

by AhaMarimbas



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Relationship, Fortune Telling, Fraud, Head Auror Harry Potter, Press Conferences, Robin Hood deeds, Vigilante
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-26
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,309
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21965338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AhaMarimbas/pseuds/AhaMarimbas
Summary: There's a Vigilante about who thinks they'd make a better Auror than the actual Aurors. Though when you really think about it, maybe they are.
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 8
Kudos: 85





	Viper

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CheekyTorah](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheekyTorah/gifts).



> Written for CheekyTorah, for their prompt:  
> The Aurors are having a hell of a time since the end of the war. Four years later and there's some vigilante in a mask running the streets of wizard and muggle UK like some kind of muggle comic book hero, saving lives, revealing corporate scammers, practically stealing from the rich and feeding the poor.  
> The muggles have called him Viper, his green outfit bearing a snake insignia.  
> Harry is darn sure he knows who this masked man is. His only thought is: what could the pointy git be up to now?
> 
> Happy Holidays friend! I may have tweaked the prompt a bit, but I hope you enjoy it all the same!
> 
> The Harry Potter universe and the characters in it all belong to J.K. Rowling, I'm just reporting on the Head Auror's press conference :)
> 
> A big thanks to HeyItsGem for their help beta-ing this!

“Head Auror Potter! What can you tell us about  _ Viper _ ?”

Harry groaned. This was supposed to be a press conference about the Ministry’s annual charity gala and Auror auction, and a grand reveal for the fact that this year’s main cause would be the addition of a children’s ward to St. Mungos. But of course, all these journalists cared about was a childish vigilante. Knowing they wouldn’t give up until he humoured them, Harry took a deep breath and recited what the media team had written for him.

“The vigilante who has been sighted numerous times over the course of the past few weeks in both Muggle and Wizarding areas of London, and who seems to be going by the monicker “Viper” is simply a grown man in neon green spandex who thinks he knows better than the Auror department. While we encourage tips from the community about disturbances and illegal activities, it is not safe for untrained civilians to be dealing with these situations on their own. We urge this character to please desist in their crime fighting activities and to adopt the habit of using our anonymous floo service, monitored by Aurors sworn to secrecy, to alert us of any wrongdoings in the city. The Muggle equivalent of our office, called the police, have a similar tip line for muggle crimes, though our office is also happy to pass on the message or help out, for those who feel unprepared to communicate with muggle authorities.”

“But Viper also corrects wrongs that the Auror department refuses to touch. How many reports have you received about unlicensed seers scamming muggle tourists, and done nothing for it?”

Harry took another deep breath. That question had been from Barnard Epson, who was, for some reason,  _ obsessed _ with the concept of fortune telling, and proving that it was immoral. 

“As I have explained in previous conferences, Mr. Epson, Muggles are not aware of the existence of divination. To them, seer activities are nothing more than entertainment. Regardless of whether it was a licenced seer or a complete phoney reading their tea leaves, they would not believe what they were told, and simply laugh it off. Members of the magical community are not doing anything illegal in providing this sort of entertainment as a muggle profession, as long as they are not breaking the statute of secrecy.”

“But the seer whose caravan Viper attacked was putting illicit potions into the tea of the muggles she was serving, wasn’t she?”

“After thorough investigations were conducted, it was concluded that yes, the seer was using compulsion potions to encourage her muggle clients to return regularly for fake readings. However, if this vigilante had simply informed us that this was happening, the same investigation would have still led to her arrest, without him needing to commit arson. Again, the department does not condone perpetuating crimes to solve other crimes.”

The press conference continued in much the same way, and finally, the media team popped their heads around the side of the stage to signal to him that time was up. With a sigh, he raised his hand to stop all questions, rushed through a one-minute line about supporting the construction of the children’s ward, and ended the conference. He was still mobbed on his way to the door, but kept his lips sealed until he was safe in his office, away from prying reporters. He cast an insect repellant charm just in case—he’d appreciate it if this Viper character could just squish Rita once and for all—before letting his head fall back against the wall and relaxing. 

Of course, Viper had definitely created waves with the whole fortune-telling incident. Loathe as he was to admit it, had Viper simply reported the seer and waited, it would have taken quite a while for the department to address it. In fact, they probably would have handed it off to muggle liaison, who would then have handed it to a clueless intern who’d probably never met a muggle in their life and only had a NEWT in muggle studies because it was considered an easy O. By setting the caravan on fire, he’d drawn attention to the case, and made it painfully obvious that there had been compulsion potion stored in there. The hazardous potions department has sent all 27 of their staff members to contain the broken vials and burnt potion, along with neutralizing the fumes before they affected every muggle within fifty meters.

Shaking himself, Harry pushed himself up off the wall and walked over to his desk, sitting down and picking up the report he’d started reviewing that morning. He put Viper out of his mind for the time being—the seer case was wrapped up, and in the end, no one had been hurt. All the department could do now was to hope that Harry’s message got through to the vigilante, and that next time he would simply report the wrongdoings he knew of. It was unlikely, but one could hope.

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Any questions about the Aurors’ Easter benefit program?” Harry asked. At least twenty hands shot up, and he could tell that not a single one of them actually cared about the Easter benefit. With a sigh, he pointed at a random reporter.

“Head Auror Potter! Do you have any information on Viper’s “Charitable communities” program?”

It took all of Harry’s willpower not to groan at that. 

“It’s not a program. This vigilante is  _ stealing,  _ through a scam that he claims to have come up with himself.”

“But he doesn’t keep anything he steals for himself—he gives it all to charities.”

Harry sighed. “Yes, and many of the victims of his theft have been nice enough to agree not to take their money back from those charities. However, it should have been their decision to give it away, not this vigilante’s.”

“It is true that he’s only stealing from London’s wealthiest households, and only those that don’t already engage in charitable giving?”

Drat. Harry had hoped, for the sake of the department’s PR team, that they wouldn’t find that connection.

“I cannot release such specific details about an ongoing investigation,” he said carefully. 

“But isn’t it true that you haven’t been targeted? Your income, as well as your inherited wealth, have all been noted on the public record as being rather substantial. Do you think it’s because of the large portion of your wealth you donate on a regular basis, or because you’re head Auror and Viper doesn’t think you would fall for such a scam?”

Harry frowned at the reporter—he was quite certain her name was Adela Pepperine. 

“I’d rather not discuss details of my private finances and security arrangements at a press conference, for obvious reasons,” he grumbled. “Anyway, we are not here to discuss this character, who is now wanted by the Ministry for theft, though if any of you are publishing a statement, we urge him to hand himself in.”

“How are you so certain it’s a male?”

“I’m not,” Harry admitted. “Many of the sightings report that this character has a rather masculine figure, but I apologise if I’ve misgendered this person. In fact, they’re welcome to come and receive an apology in person, whenever they’re ready to turn themselves in.”

There were a few groans and chuckles around the room, and Harry seized on his chance to bring the conference back on topic.

“Now, any more questions about the  _ Easter Benefit? _ ” 

* * *

“I’m thinking of updating the costume,” Draco said as he flopped onto the sofa with a groan. “They’re getting more and more pictures, and I want it to look nice.”

“They’re not supposed to be getting pictures,” Harry scowled. “Viper is supposed to be anonymous.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Draco said dismissively. Harry turned to him, that morning’s prophet in hand.

“I can tell that this pointy fucking chin belongs to you, Draco!”

Draco snorted. “That’s only because you kiss the mouth above it at least ten times a day,” he said fondly. “I promise there’s no one else who would recognise me  _ by the shape of my chin. _ You’re the only one I’m kissing, love.”

Harry scowled at him, but didn’t correct his assumption. 

“So anyway, what’s Viper’s next move?” Draco asked. “Saving a kneazle from a tree? Freeing the dragons at Gringotts?”

“I did that  _ once _ , you tosser, and in the middle of a war to boot.”

“Yeah, because you have a kink for saving the world that couldn’t end when you killed the Dark lord, hence your being a vigilante and an Auror at the same time.”

“Technically  _ you’re _ the vigilante,” Harry pointed out. Draco laughed. 

“No, technically I’m the sidekick. I wear the costume to draw media attention away from you and sometimes I stand watch, or carry loot.  _ You’re _ the one who set fire to that caravan, who saved that tour boat full of muggles, who scammed half the city’s elite into donating to the war orphans and the foodbank. And you’re the one who’s going to do whatever big heroic act you do next, and once again I’ll prance around outside watching for Aurors who will never come and letting photographers take partial pictures of my faded green tights. Which is why I think they should be updated.”

“Merlin fine, you can update the costume if you really must. What did you have in mind?”

Draco shrugged. “I was thinking a pair of bespoke trousers, black but with green stitching, to keep with the whole viper theme. And the cape is rather annoying. Can’t the snake insignia just be on my chest or back?”

Harry rolled his eyes. 

“How can you be a hero without a cape?” he muttered. “Anyway, it helps hide your face, and your figure.”

“Again, the only one who’s intimately familiar enough with my figure to be able to recognize it in the Prophet’s grainy photographs is you, love.”

“And I’d like it to stay that way, you’re too hot for your own good. So the cape stays. And the tights.”

“Now I’m confused.” Draco glanced down at the bright green tights, which he was still wearing from that night’s liberation of a bunch of crups being kept in a potions lab which hadn’t passed their ethical safety evaluations yet. It had taken hours to convince Draco that no, he couldn’t bring all the crups home. Harry had finally relented and agreed that they would adopt one from a shelter in the New Year. 

“You don’t want people to see my figure, but you want me to continue wearing skin-tight tights?”

Harry nodded, biting his lip. 

“They may not see much of the tights, but I do. And I won’t lie, they really do it for me.”

An evil smirk bloomed on Draco’s face as he realised what Harry was saying.

“Really? Is Head Auror Potter hot for London’s criminal vigilante? My my, what a scandal. Imagine if the prophet knew  _ that _ .”

Harry rolled his eyes, before shuffling over and straddling Draco’s lap. People were always surprised to see how short the Saviour and Head Auror was, but it worked well for him whenever he wanted to be held by his husband. He’d intended to initiate a passionate snogging session, but as soon as Draco’s arms wrapped around him, he just melted into his chest.

“I just hate seeing all the wrong that happens in this world. We’ve all suffered so much--why does it have to continue?”

“There’s no such thing as a perfect world, Harry,” Draco said gently, rubbing his back. “You know that. But you still work so hard to help our community in every way you can, whether it’s as a Head Auror who’s slowly changing the way our society is built, to make it more fair and inclusive, or as Viper, who makes sure that those who take advantage of others get what’s coming to them. There’s no one right way to be good, but somehow, you still manage them all.”

“I like helping people,” Harry mumbled into his chest. “And I love doing it with you by my side.”

Harry couldn’t see it, but Draco smiled at that, pressing a soft kiss to his messy hair. 

“I’m really glad we started doing this together, too,” Draco said. “And not just because the tights make my arse look fantastic. It’s amazing how big your heart is, and how much love and caring you have to share with the world. I’m just glad to tag along and make sure you’re safe throughout the whole thing.”

Harry sat up at that.

“Is that why you come with me?” he asked, clearly surprised. Draco nodded, giving him a sad smile.

“I know I told you it was nice to see myself in the Prophet photographed for a positive article for once, and that I could help draw media attention away from you so that no one would figure your identity out. But mostly I just hated sitting around at home, waiting for you to come back to me, unsure if you were safe or not. Because as much as you care about saving the world,  _ you _ are  _ my _ world, and I’d never forgive myself if I let anything happen to you.”

“Let me get this straight,” Harry said, and his tone told Draco he was about to be teased mercilessly. “You agreed to wear neon green spandex, giving up a number of comfortable evenings by the fire for wandering the streets of London in the cold, bearing public scrutiny, to keep me safe?”

“So what if I did?” Draco grumbled, pulling Harry up against his chest again so he wouldn’t have to see his smirk.

“You love me, Draco Malfoy,” Harry said, his tone smug. Draco couldn’t help laughing at that.

“It’s Potter-Malfoy, you tosser. And yes, Harry. I love you very much.”

  
  


_ fin. _


End file.
